just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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