the condom got lost in my hair
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
