i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
