Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
