I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
