Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
