I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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