im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
