Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
