I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
