I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
