If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am available for nakedness
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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