i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
