I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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