I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
