I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
