i just google imaged poop.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
