my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
