Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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