I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Randomize
