i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just google imaged poop.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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