There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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