you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
