Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
