I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Bring me that man meat
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
