new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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