He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
being pregnant is like rehab
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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