Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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