Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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