My brain says no but my pants say off.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
