if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
