You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
