Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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