I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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