im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
