I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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