is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Randomize
