The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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