Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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