Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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