be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
