Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
