wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
