All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
