Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
