I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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