Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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