if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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