I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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