My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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