We won't sleep together?
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize